her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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