Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
