I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
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