you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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