guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
