Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
