So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
