At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
