I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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