When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
