but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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