I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Liz is crying about burritos again.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
