his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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