that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
