i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
