so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
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