You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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