How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
