I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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