fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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