Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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