Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
