dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
