just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
