You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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