Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
How does it feel to date your dad?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
