I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
