Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
