he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize