Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
