i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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