drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
