but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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