I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
We're using joints as your birthday candles
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
