The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
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