Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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