curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
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Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
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time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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