So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
