I molested 6 butterflies tonight
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
