my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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