I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I wish my penis had an off switch
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
