Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize