It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
