considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
