I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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