wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Fuck appropriateness.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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