New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
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