She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
