Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
