mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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