The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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