Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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