ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
