let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
