If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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