Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
