Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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