He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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