i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
He shit in the fireplace
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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