I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
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You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
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Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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