I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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