cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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