Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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