just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
