Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
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all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
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It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
You were trust falling into bushes
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
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