Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize