I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
