she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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