we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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