is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
