Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
