My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
